Ode to Glendon HoSang
sometimes, I wish my real dad wasn’t shit
other times I’m like fuck em.
i hate him, resent him, cause maybe I’d be different, maybe if I knew that kinda love I wouldn’t look for it in the wrong people, the wrong vices, a dutch, a bottle..
if I were someone’s princess, maybe I’d be different.
without him, I’ll shit on his entire existence, one day, when things are different.
I’ll show him that I did it, and he’ll wish things were different..he’ll wish he didn’t miss that birthday or that Christmas, he’ll wish he wiped my tears and he’ll be sorry that he didn’t, but the adversity will take me to a peak beyond his limits and my whole life will be different, and he made none of the difference, he’ll wish that all my babies could say they’re his grand children, he’ll wish he could walk me down the aisle in all white, he’ll bitch for the chance just to make things all right, he’ll wish I called him my King and will be sad that there’s another.
he’ll wish he didn’t touch my mom, he’ll wish he didn’t touch me, he’ll wish he was a piece of all my growth and soon he’ll see when I shit on his existence and I cast him to a hell.
hell that makes him sorry, burns his knees as he crawls back, and I’ll say well I’m not sorry and I’ll make him fade to black. He’ll say that he’s different, I’ll say I’m different too. I’ll say things would be different, but I’m a queen and you’re my peasant, I’ll spit on your grave before I ever bless you with my presence…
usually just thoughts that I would share with myself
ill have to start hiding my wrists again, and start masking the pain, with cigarette stained smiles and alcohol stench laughs
and makeup covered bruises and “yea I’m just fine”s , knowing in one day I’ve died 7 times over,
and maybe this life isn’t over
but it’s over for me.
there’s no life in my soul, that was taken from me there’s nothing beautiful about a girl who only feels her best drowning without water.
all that was beautiful has left from inside of me.